I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
