I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
