On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
