So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
