I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
