I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
