Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
