think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
