I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
