Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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