so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
