Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
