I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
