My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
