areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
