I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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