So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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