Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
