the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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