I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
