I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
