Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
