LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
