My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize