how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
