peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
