I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ugly people sure do ruin things
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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