cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
