Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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