i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Four minutes until I can fart!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
