when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
