u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
