he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's shark week go big or go home
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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