You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
