8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just had sex on a roof
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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