On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
