I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
