My pussy is not your playground.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
