come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
worst night to have a conscience
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize