people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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