He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Bang-toberfest begins!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
