Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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