Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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