I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
