Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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