You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
