How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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