i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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