Michael Bay diarrhea
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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