I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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