3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
