She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
