so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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