I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
