I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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