So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
