We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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