Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Your cock deserves a montage
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
