And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
