On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
