his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
