someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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