Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
