Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Two words: blizzard sex
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
