Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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