I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize