...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
