after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize