HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i think i have two assholes
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
