Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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