highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
