i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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