Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
