His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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